Are They Truly My Friends?
Friendships are funny things, aren’t they? They start with a spark—a shared laugh, a common interest, or maybe just being in the same place at the same time.
Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of friendships. Friends I’ve worked with, traveled with, and shared big moments with. But as time goes on, I’ve started to ask myself: if these so-called friends aren’t showing me the respect and loyalty I offer, can I still call them my friends?
I remember a colleague I once considered a close friend, maybe even a best friend. We spent years working side by side, tackling challenges, and even grabbing drinks after work to vent about office politics. I thought we had built a bond beyond the workplace. But after we left that job and I moved away, the calls grew scarce. The texts became sporadic, and when I reached out, the replies were days in coming back to me, as if maintaining our friendship was a chore. It made me wonder—was our connection real, or was it just me projecting my feelings into the relationship?
And of course, there are the long-time friends. These are the ones who’ve known me through awkward phases, career highs and lows, and everything in between. Yet, sometimes, it feels like they’ve stopped seeing me as the person I’ve grown into. They misspell my name on Christmas cards (how does that even happen after decades?), never call unless I do first, and share big life updates on social media instead of picking up the phone. It’s disheartening to feel like I’m an afterthought to people I once considered family.
The common thread in all these relationships is this: the lack of reciprocity. Friendship, to me, isn’t about keeping score, but it is about balance. When one person is always giving—time, effort, care—and the other isn’t, it creates a void. I’ve found myself questioning if I’ve been clinging to the idea of friendship, rather than the reality of these relationships.
True friends show up. They make you feel valued, not just when it’s easy or convenient, but consistently. They respect your time, your feelings, and your relationship. Loyalty, to me, means standing by each other, not just when it’s fun or beneficial, but in the quiet moments too—when there’s nothing to gain but the comfort of knowing someone has your back.
This realization isn’t an easy one. It’s painful to see connections you’ve cherished unravel or realize that they were never as strong as you thought. But maybe that’s part of growing. Part of learning to value yourself is recognizing when to let go of relationships that don’t value you.
Friendship should be a two-way street, a mutual exchange of care, respect, and loyalty. If someone can’t meet me halfway, I’m learning it’s okay to stop walking in their direction. Because at the end of the day, I deserve friends who are as invested in me as I am in them.
And so do you.
All our best to you and yours,
Peggy and Nikki
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